I CAN MOONWALK!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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