He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
