how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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