maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
