All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
