Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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