his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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