He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize