3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
