By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
