Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
