hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Randomize
