you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
NoShamevember. You game?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
