She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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