you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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