at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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