Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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