i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
