this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
