If that was your dad, he is hot
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
