I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
