You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
