I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
