My hand turned me down
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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