does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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