dude i'm inner monologue high
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize