Sry I called you an 8
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
