"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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