I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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