I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
