well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
