She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
