So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This is the high leading the old right now
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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