Have you finally orgasmed yet?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
