dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
