we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
a search helicopter?!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Your penis caused this!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
