so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
