You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
