i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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