would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize