hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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