my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
