I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
