The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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