yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
