Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
