The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Randomize
