I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize