I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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