I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I had to cum in my sink.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
