Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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