You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
