hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
