My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
