This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
