a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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