East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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