i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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