I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Welp...herpes.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
