Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
