ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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