now i know why i became what i already was.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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