I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
