hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
They took my balls.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
