i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
