first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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