Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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