I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
