i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize