I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
