As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
