So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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