were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I need to align my fucking chakras
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
