Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
