I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
