Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
