dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize