I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
