Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
