you would pick up someone in the library
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
