Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
