I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
