I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
