you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize