i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
