This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
