thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
