I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
