I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
