I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
