your room smells of hookers.
And success
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
