Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
