i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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