Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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