I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
