Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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