does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
