Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
