so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
