I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm really busy with my period
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