he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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