So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
