I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Jerry, you need to find god
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
